Once the day reaches around 3 pm and someone asks me what I've done for the day usually my brain goes ??? and I make up something about eating Toaster Strudels for breakfast and reading whatever book comes to mind first. I don't really have short-term memory loss I just retroactively can't think of what I've done on the spot.
More so, I have a hard time deciding what I want to do in the hours to come (when I have free time). Do I want to:
1. Read a book for fun?
2. Journal?
3. List things on my online clothes store?
4. Work on the blog?
5. Take a nap?
6. Watch the new season of Orange is the New Black?
7. Watch more college moving in vlogs on YouTube?
8. Play Rockband with my dad and sister?
9. Work on that adult coloring book I've had for years, but have only finished one page?
10. Go hammocking in my backyard?
The options are endless, and honestly I had to stop myself once I got to 10 because y'all would definitely get bored around number 52. Essentially, I suck at making decisions about what to do with myself and my life--whether that be short-term (during the day), medium-term (during the week/month), or long-term (during the year/years). Usually I end up succumbing to the draw of Netflix and sitting on my couch and doing absolutely nothing in place of being creative and productive with the little free time I have. Yeah, I'll admit it.
Where am I going with this, you may ask? Well, if I cannot decide whether or not I want to read or journal for the next hour or so, how am I supposed to have my life decided and planned for the next five years?
One of the favorite pastimes of people around college students is to ask what they are thinking about doing after the graduate. I kid you not, I was talking to a bona fide adult during my first semester of my freshman year of college and they asked "so what are you majoring in and what do you plan on doing with that major?". And this wasn't even for a job interview, a scholarship attempt, or anything along those lines. It was just a normal conversation. Luckily, I knew what I was majoring in--a real score seeing as decisions are not my forte--and gave them a simple answer: "Secondary Education with a focus in English and Communication Arts and I hope to teach high school English."
I thought this would get me off the hook and satisfy them, but oh boy was I wrong. They continued prodding about where I wanted to live, would I be married?, did I want to have kids someday?, would I be pursuing a graduates degree?. All the while I was sitting there with a big HUH? plastered on my forehead. I thought I had it together when I was able to answer their question about my major, but alas I came unprepared to this unprompted conversation. I politely answered, "well, I'm not sure". And I could see the look of disscontempt all over their bona fide adult face--I should have my life planned out by now.
After that interaction I went into a frenzy of planning--where would I like to live? How much does a real refrigerator cost? What are the best school districts to teach in? But eventually I grew overwhelmed, and frankly bored, with the whole ordeal and set it aside. And upon doing so I had a revelation: I did not need to know where I would be in 5 years. I did not need to know how many kids I wanted, if any. I did not need to know if/when I would get a graduates degree. Because, frankly, that is what college is for. And I'm not at all saying I'll have everything figured out by the end of my senior year, that's impossible. But college and one's early 20s is a time to grow and fluctuate and evolve into the person they truly want to be. So, yeah, I may not know exactly where I'm going. But I know I'll get there someday. And that's good enough for now, right?
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